and nearly drowned
in a Canadian lake
one summer
when you weren’t
looking
And I gambled
with a Detroit Tigers
pitcher who turned to
me
and said
fame and success
ashes, dear boy,
ashes
he and I ate popcorn
together
and drank manhattans
before I poured my
dough
into casino coffers
and ambled around
numbly watching
people
pump dollars
into the system like
automata
Einstein said the
only way to make
money at the roulette
table
is to steal while the
croupier’s not looking
but I had no chips to
play
even on a pretense
and the moment gave
me
special insight into
what it feels like
to wanna kill
yourself
I needed you then
like I need you now
but I don’t blame you
for your infinite
absence
from my finite
presence
because I’ve dragged
you and me
through so many
golden moments
of shit
like the time we
tried to help
Alex Trebek chase a
petty thief
from a San Fran hotel
room
only to witness him
blow out his rusted
Achilles
and point the finger
at me
You should come here
sometime though
I’m pounding out
the autobiography of
a dream
2000 words a day
on a golden
typewriter
and you know I feel
much better
now that my mental
hands
are no longer empty
I’ve escaped the mud
of academia
into the cream
and that was my dream
to make it through
the Freddie Kreuger
nightmares
the evictions
the bone chilling
winters
when grandma would
hog the Nintendo
all day long
Oh, I’ve seen things
such things
that if you’d come
here
and swim with me
you’d have to hold my
ankles
so that I don’t
plunge into depths
of giant dancing
vines
and angel fish
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